more of a goodbye than an introduction

[C123]

Hey all,

This is kind of a long/weird/introspective post, but maybe it will resonate with some people :)

You may or may not have noticed my absence from the server over the past few months. Basically, I've decided it was best for me to stop playing ren.

Renegade is a weird thing for me. I started playing, as many of us did, in the early 2000s - maybe 04 or 05. Once I found the online, I was quickly addicted to the game. I was in highschool then, and without going into detail, life wasn't great at home or at school. You know, socially awkward kid with depression problems . Ren always offered an escape from real life stresses. It was always exciting to log on and do some rushes, and to joke around in the F2 chat. I definitively dominated the time on my family's single windows 98 PC.

Through university, things in my life got better. I got more confident, learned to succeed in school/career wise, family issues were resolved. Anyway, at some point through this busy period, I just fell out of playing Ren.

Then the pandemic came around, which coincided with a stressful period in which I was trying to finish a PhD. Through some lockdown-inspired boredom, I somehow found w3d hub and decided to give Ren a try for nostalgia's sake. It was so much fun to re-discover the game, and to see the community still going. It took some time to re-learn my skills (whatever those skills were), but I ended up racking up thousands of games and hours over the past few years, mostly on Rencorner. One highlight was when I - for the first time - got a gaming PC, and finally experienced ren with no performance issues. Man, not dipping to 25 fps in the Volcano tib cave or in big Mara games was a game changer.

But anyway, I realized something over time. I think for me, playing Ren really does have some addictive qualities, and I mean addictive in the real, not-good-for-you way. I realized that I would play compulsively a lot of the time - the moment I was off work, I'd log in without really thinking, and play most of the night apart from taking care of basic needs like dinner. I think this was fine during the pandemic, but as life got back to normal I realized that I was often putting most of my free time into this game, and other hobbies or productive things were being neglected.

Anyway, this was a very long winded way of explaining why I uninstalled Ren a few months ago. For me, it's just really hard to keep from compulsively playing in that way. In other words, I just like you guys too much :P

With that said I just want to thank everyone in the RC community. Minor toxicity/drama aside, I genuinely think that there is something really special about this group, and playing on RC over the past couple years helped me through some tough times. I hope that some day, when I need it again, it will still be here.

But until then, ggs my friends, and take care of yourselves :)

[Goztow]

Hey mate good to hear from you! I hope you'll be back rather sooner than later. Maybe you could set a time schedule to avoid getting too addicted? Eg only game in weekend. Take care! 

[Fardin]

The way you described your experience did hit home quite a bit for me as well. Even the lack of a gaming PC you described was very similar for me, I used to play with an average of around 20 FPS until 2020! On Field_RX or other big/new maps in full servers my FPS would drop to 10-15 FPS, it was horrible lol.

I think for a lot of us, Renegade had a very special place during certain periods of our lives (for some more than for others of course and for some of us even today still), but I totally agree on the addictive part of it. For me there is also always the thought of "Renegade is still alive, so I should enjoy it as much as possible before it dies completely!". That thought still accompanies me almost daily, I just love that game and the community that much and no matter how many years pass and how many new games I experience, there is only one C&C Renegade.

However, I also have sort of a "rule" similar to what Goztow described above: Basically I only play almost exclusively on Saturdays only (unless there is like a special occasion/holidays or whatever). I guess this sort of got established due to the lack of players on regular days during the day/evening where I live, idk. Renegade just never really is an option for me, unless its the weekend. Maybe this could also be a strategy for you as well?

Anyways wishing you all the best and hope to see you soon again (in small but enjoyable dosages :)

 

Fardin
ps congrats on your PhD!

[Itai795]

Thank you C123 for taking the time and posting an update here, indeed we didn't see you in a long time.

I'm sure identifying your Ren addictiveness and have the strength to stop playing wasn't easy. If I may say, uou should be proud of yourself.

Wishing you all the best and good health.

[C123]

On 1/2/2024 at 12:51 PM, Goztow said:

Hey mate good to hear from you! I hope you'll be back rather sooner than later. Maybe you could set a time schedule to avoid getting too addicted? Eg only game in weekend. Take care! 

Thanks dude! It's a great idea, but I tend to have little self control and would probably end up playing weeknights again. 

On 1/2/2024 at 2:40 PM, Fardin said:

The way you described your experience did hit home quite a bit for me as well. Even the lack of a gaming PC you described was very similar for me, I used to play with an average of around 20 FPS until 2020! On Field_RX or other big/new maps in full servers my FPS would drop to 10-15 FPS, it was horrible lol.

I think for a lot of us, Renegade had a very special place during certain periods of our lives (for some more than for others of course and for some of us even today still), but I totally agree on the addictive part of it. For me there is also always the thought of "Renegade is still alive, so I should enjoy it as much as possible before it dies completely!". That thought still accompanies me almost daily, I just love that game and the community that much and no matter how many years pass and how many new games I experience, there is only one C&C Renegade.

However, I also have sort of a "rule" similar to what Goztow described above: Basically I only play almost exclusively on Saturdays only (unless there is like a special occasion/holidays or whatever). I guess this sort of got established due to the lack of players on regular days during the day/evening where I live, idk. Renegade just never really is an option for me, unless its the weekend. Maybe this could also be a strategy for you as well?

Anyways wishing you all the best and hope to see you soon again (in small but enjoyable dosages :)

 

Fardin
ps congrats on your PhD!

Glad it hit home :) and thanks for the message! Yeah as I said above, it's a good idea, but tricky to follow. But definitely I would try to approach it that way next time I get the itch. I also agree about the worry that it will die someday, but another part of me suspects a small but dedicated group will persist into our senior years :P

 

On 1/2/2024 at 9:47 PM, Itai795 said:

Thank you C123 for taking the time and posting an update here, indeed we didn't see you in a long time.

I'm sure identifying your Ren addictiveness and have the strength to stop playing wasn't easy. If I may say, uou should be proud of yourself.

Wishing you all the best and good health.

Aww thanks itai <3 Yeah, I mean, I am happy that I'm in a place where I can recognize that sort of thing in myself. Luckily I had long vacation that let me naturally stop for a while, and coming back I realized it was probably better to not get back into it...for now :)

[rackz]

Medium Tank rush now